Learning

The most recent lesson I've learned is that I stink at more things that I knew. Without a doubt, I am worse at more things that I know and much more than those at which I excel. More work has proven that in any simple job, there is skill required. My job requires a fast, proficient talent that I do not have. I hope to develop it soon.

I also learned that God has plans that go well beyond those of my conception. Why am I here? I could ask why any person is here, but my more relevant question is why am I where I am? God knows, I don't. I was teaching, but in leaving teaching, my mother was hospitalized and I drove my heart-stricken father to see her, as he wasn't driving well. I put forth a geyser or cascading falls of resume's that were like bird poop.

In this hellish few months, I had no money, no job prospects, saw my father beside himself and my mom alive and doing well, all things considered and I was like a shadow. I appeared during the day, followed, then fell at night. For months, and still, I find rest elusive.

I also found that God did not let me leave ... there was a reason I was around. I couldn't just end my life without accounting, for I was responsible for more than just me. I, like it or not, was and am a role model. I didn't just shelf that after teaching. I was lost ... feeling crappy and selfish. Finally, friends tried to get me out of the hole I dug for myself.

A friend reviewed my resume' and found it to be uncomfortable toilet paper and helped me revise it. After these wicked, nasty months ... I found that I had God, I had friends, I had family. I had a couple of things still holding me back ...
pride and selfishness.

While I haven't abandoned them fully, I have far less pride, foolishly placed, and have nothing material so I can't be selfish in that respect. I guess it was squeezing time for me. God needed me to have a lot of the waste in me wrung away. I'm still dirty, wet, ragged, but usable. I am a washrag, but I serve a purpose. I could either be a bitter washrag or I could strive to be the best one that I can.

I think I'll try to be the best that I can. Thanks God!